Smoking Returns!

Great day in the morning!  I am pleased to announce that after a lengthy hiatus brought on by lawsuits and corruption and government meddling, smoking is back and better than ever!  Big Tobacco has somehow managed to overcome the psychotic litany of laws meant to limit the growth of their industry and bring sweet, sweet [...]

Historians Declare Obama Best President in U.S. History

WASHINGTON D.C. – A group of historians polled by Georgetown University has named Barack Obama the best President in the history of these United States.  Not wanting to be seen as premature, a spokesman for the group stated that based on what the president has planned for the country, and assuming all campaign and inaugural [...]

The Candidate Interviewed by the Authoring Auctioneer

John Savo, the force of nature responsible for The Authoring Auctioneer, has been a likeable acquaintance of mine for some time, and an unlikeable one even longer.  We grew up together in the mines, unearthing coal in the PA tunnels and owing our souls to the company store like many generations before us.  Somewhere along [...]

Everything’s Coming Up Scranton!

Long a stronghold of mediocrity and disappointment, Scranton, Pennsylvania has recently enjoyed a resurgence of prominence, thanks regionally to the election of Bob Casey Jr. to the U.S. Senate, and nationally to the success of NBC’s sitcom The Office.  But now Scranton has a chance to really snatch the brass ring, as local boy Joe [...]

John McCain Claims He Was in Predator, Too

With various polls showing him trailing Democratic Presidential hopeful Barack Obama by a substantial margin, Republican nominee John McCain made a stunning announcement yesterday that he too appeared in the 1987 sci-fi action hit Predator, along side future governors Jesse Ventura and Arnold Schwarzenegger, with hopes that this would convince young voters that he was [...]