Posts Tagged as ‘Jesus’

August 12, 2008

My Children Suck!

I’m not sure how old my daughter is at this point – gotta be in her late teens, I’d guess – but she has already reached an advanced developmental stage of turning out a right bitch.  Walking around with her pug nose in the air, eight pounds of make-up giving her that extra bit of [...]

July 30, 2008

Excerpts from My New Masterwork – The Bible, Part II!

Excerpts from the various books of the forthcoming bestseller The Bible, Part II, perhaps with the subtitle Revenge of the Christ:

The Book of Exposition 2: 3-5
And the again risen Jesus decided the most pressing concern of His now that He’d crawled from the grave was the need to take a shower.  An unholy funk clung [...]

July 29, 2008

My Destiny as Pertains to a Writing Endeavor

Famed author.  Presidential candidate.  Teen Wolf enthusiast. With all these titles under my belt, and all these planned-for accomplishments piling up like forgotten mail, what else could I possibly have room on my dance card for in the coming weeks, months, and years?  What psychotically huge and controversial project could I sink my teeth into for [...]

July 5, 2008

The Great Chicago Experiment – What’s Past is Prologue!

Probably the best thing about living in Chicago I’ve got to say is not having a car.  In Scranton, there was no having a job or going out or being seen as a respectable member of society if I didn’t have a car.  It was just a given, it was a necessity.  But here, a [...]

May 15, 2008

A Letter to My Unborn Child

Dear sir or madam,
So you’re my kid, huh?  As I write this I am currently safe in the knowledge that I have never impregnated anyone that I’m aware of, and have no pressing interest in this activity anytime in the near future (impregnating, I mean, not the activity – er, well, you know what [...]