Historians Declare Obama Best President in U.S. History

WASHINGTON D.C. – A group of historians polled by Georgetown University has named Barack Obama the best President in the history of these United States.  Not wanting to be seen as premature, a spokesman for the group stated that based on what the president has planned for the country, and assuming all campaign and inaugural [...]

John McCain Claims He Was in Predator, Too

With various polls showing him trailing Democratic Presidential hopeful Barack Obama by a substantial margin, Republican nominee John McCain made a stunning announcement yesterday that he too appeared in the 1987 sci-fi action hit Predator, along side future governors Jesse Ventura and Arnold Schwarzenegger, with hopes that this would convince young voters that he was [...]

Our Ever Evolving Campaign Platform

As Team Cetta continues to solicit for advice and bribes, the campaign itself has begun to develop and adjust its opinions on the issues of the day.  I would like to announce first off that we’ve decided to alter the one concrete stance taken thus far and state that we are now unequivocally Pro-Clown.  After [...]

First Campaign Poster!

The Quest for the 2016 White House Begins

The race for the 2016 Presidency is now well underway, and honestly, things could have started off better in Camp Cetta, that’s for damn sure.  Thus far we’ve raised approximately squat to fund the campaign, making it hard to hire staff, and harder to afford bribes, plus we are yet to be approached by civic [...]

A Major Announcement for This Guy, and For America

Let’s face it, the nation has gone completely to hell.  This isn’t a euphemism either. I believe the explanation for the country’s ailments is that leadership bargained away our collective soul and we are now beginning the descent into the fiery abyss, replete with hot pokers aimed at the colon and demons ready to roast [...]