My Resignation Letter

Given that I plan to relocate halfway across the country in a matter of days, I did what a faithful employee in good standing should and submitted a letter of resignation, giving plenty of advance notice to explain my absence, which may have gone unnoticed otherwise.  What follows is the actual letter I submitted, with my manager’s name and that of the company I work for processing medical claims omitted, for obvious reasons:

May 12th, 2008

**** *******

Claim Manager

 

I hereby tender my official resignation effective at the close of my last day, Friday May the 23rd, Year of Our Lord 2008.  I will at that time relinquish all rights and privileges granted an employee of ***** **********, up to and including the ability to park in the surrounding area, my eligibility in contests and/or raffles designated solely for the employee, and the current fad of being able to wear flip flops to the jobsite.

 

I will surrender my badge, training binders, office supplies, and borrowed desk decorations at that time.  As paper clips are a company distributed product, I am well aware my sculptures made from said paper clips may need to be disbursed back to the work force, and likely re-manipulated, so as they are again fit for their intended purpose.

 

My personal doodles, epistles, pie charts, and rhyming couplets will be removed from my work station area beforehand, so there is no confusion as to what was a creation of my own – done strictly on break and lunch time, I might add – and what of these was part of the training manual for the original method to process duplicate claim submissions.

 

If ever there is talk of renaming the conferences rooms, and my name is bandied about for possible usage, know that I would not object in the least, and may be persuaded to return for the christening, if the company is willing to pick up the costs related to travel, lodging, and nourishment. 

 

Yours in human excellence,

 

 

 

Joseph Cetta

My manager is a good sport, and so for the well-being of my future endeavors in the world of business chose to reject this letter as a valid resignation.  This unfortunately means that posterity will not regard my resignation letter as one of singular design and forthrightness of purpose, but instead as one that states my last day is May 23rd, and nothing more.  My only hope is that this letter remains buried somewhere in the files of ***** **********, and on some distant day it will be discovered, and will lead to mindless team meetings ultimately being held in the Cetta Conference Room.  Fingers crossed!

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1 Comment

Filed under Correspondence, humor, Life, Work

One response to “My Resignation Letter

  1. I don’t think anyone should be able to receive his or her MBA until the ability to write such a resignation letter is shown.

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