As those who know me may know (which I realize is a remarkably limited opening), I am someone driven largely by statistics. The last few years I spent working were based around reaching a certain number of claims processed per day so that I could spend the rest of the day either reading books downloaded from Project Gutenberg (check it out!), writing the Parade Day story (also check out!), or making a variety of lists to kill time. This included ranking my favorite movies ever as the whim took me in the last week of every month. It provided a hell of a lot of statistical data, and virtually no obvious use for it. Nonetheless, my life is a haze of stats and figures and numbers and cupcakes. That’s who I am.
This being said, I thought it might be interesting to document some of the goings on here in Illinois for your humble narrator in terms of numbers. Also, if you’re interested, my favorite movies ever, according to the months of research into my own preference I conducted, are, in order, 1) Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb 2) Duck Soup 3) The Muppet Movie 4) Annie Hall and 5) Raiders of the Lost Ark. That’s just a hunk of FYI for you folks. Don’t argue with me about the quality of these films, because I swear to Christ you’ll get a heap of verbal beating from the man doing the analysis.
Okay, sorry about that. These are the facts numerically speaking I’ve gathered up in the weeks I’ve spent here in the Windy City.
a) I’ve been to a bar called McDunna’s on Fullerton near my apartment six weeks running…on Wednesdays. Three of these Wednesdays I had work the next day, including tomorrow. Any one who knows me, or knew me at any point, or thinks they can guess at my predilictions based on the fact that The Muppet Movie is my third favorite movie ever, can tell you that drinking during the week is not my thing, and yet this crazy streak continues. It may help to tell you that they have domestic drafts for a buck on Wednesdays (check it out!)
b) I’ve been a party to three fire related events in the six weeks I’ve lived here. One involved us nearly burning the building down while trying to boil water (and I’ll leave it at that), two was the neighbors nearly burning the building down while leaving their headphones in the oven (and that’s all the explanation we got) and three was the movie theater on Webster nearly burning down while me and the Munchak were watching Get Smart. At least on the last incident we scored some free passes to that death trap of a theater.
c) In relation, I’ve been to the movie theater eight times in the past six weeks, to see six different films, none of which starred Sarah Jessica Parker, I’m proud to say. This is pretty much par for this guy, I think. Most of these movies I enjoyed to some degree, except The Happening, which was completely fucking retarded, to steal a review from most of America’s critics. The only reason we even went to see it was because the girlfriend really wanted to see the trailer for the new X-Files movie, which leads me to…
d) I’ve watched the first 30 episodes of The X-Files, apparently in preparation for the new film, which the girlfriend has threatened we are not only going to see the midnight before it opens, but also anywhere between five and twenty times afterward. I’ve taken out a second mortgage and posted one of my kidneys on Ebay in preparation.
e) More unrelatedly, I’ve vomited three times since moving, twice in a 12 hour period. I think that’s a pretty nice improvement. The girlfriend claims this almost makes me bulimic. Opinions?
f) I’ve only bought two books, both of which were copies of Moby Dick. Comments on my ludicrous spending? Cram it, chum!
g) I’ve only copied one movie, as the Netflix have just restarted. That one movie was 2007’s Beowulf. What’s wrong with that? Okay, okay, there’s plenty wrong with that, but I’m not much of a purist about that hard-to-read, over-rated bundle of nonsense crammed down high-schoolers throats.
h) To wrap this up, I’d like to point out, inconsequentially, that I did get to see, for the first time, episodes of My Favorite Martian, The Green Hornet, and Father Knows Best, thanks to MeTV and Me Too, great local stations that come in without the benefit of subscribing to cable. I also saw this dynamite, completely bewildering game show on Telemundo called 12 Corazones, which makes no sense to me, as it’s in Spanish, but is incredibly fun, mainly due to the incredibly hyper host I’ve Googled and discovered is named Penelope Menchaca, which is a fittingly fun name.
This is my life in Chicago thus far. Eight movies, two books, three vomits, six McDunna’s, 12 Corazones. Not a bad bit of stuff happening here.