Local Café Has the Worst Twitter Account Ever

Let’s face it, company Twitter accounts, by and large, are horrible. It’s some faceless entity with a peon employed to spread the word AND be entertaining/sociable/friendly. Anything to get people to fondly think of and remember their business. Most of these are mildly irritating and inoffensive. But recently, I discovered the one that wins the grand prize for inanity and awfulness. Cloying, pointless, and desperate, the Hanging Gardens Café hits the trifecta of aggressively marketed bullshit.

Sometimes they do post useful information, even if they immediately follow it up with self-serving questions:

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At least that’s relevant, but then in a weird effort to spread the word about their business, they latch on to what they feel are popular trending topics:

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They awkwardly tweet at celebrities:

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I mean, they do this a lot:

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And sometimes it’s not even a ham-fisted attempt to draw in customers. It’s just commentary:

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They have a tendency to get oddly unfriendly and lecturing:

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And then they bounce right back with the shilling:

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They’re oddly out of touch with what people are into:

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They’re also out of touch with how people drink their coffee:

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And they are a notoriously bad judge of hiring employees. Here was a recent post:

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Followed almost immediately by:

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And then maybe to assuage any hurt feelings, they went right to quotes:

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But their lax security has brought about further harassment issues:

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Requiring more backtracking:

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They go way over the top in exaggerating the greatness of their product:

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While then slamming competitors:

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And lastly, they can be wholly inappropriate with their oversharing:

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And yes, eagle eyed readers, all these posts were from THE SAME DAY. Good lord. For all these reasons, I contend that the Hanging Gardens Café loses at the internet! Nice try, dum dums! Unfollowed!

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7 Comments

Filed under humor, Internet

7 responses to “Local Café Has the Worst Twitter Account Ever

  1. Hmm – think their sacked social media expert was actually a real person? Both appalling and fascinating – I think I might have to follow them.

  2. Why were you following them in the first place? I hope just so you could witness this disaster.

  3. Munch

    God I hate that place, but I love their Twitter!

  4. Yeah, I don’t mean to quibble with your outstanding blog post which I loved… but… this only made me want to follow them on Twitter.

    #socialmediatrainwreck

  5. Oh, I’m definitely following them now. That’s friggin awesome.

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