I Wonder If I Have a Concussion

Concussion ClinicOoof! Jiminy! That was some crack on the noggin there! Ouch. Damn. Gotta fix those hinges. I better get some ice.

I wonder where the WD-40 is? I thought I left it…wait a minute. It wouldn’t be in the shower. Why did I think I left it in the shower? What am I doing in the shower? And where are my pants all of a sudden?

I’ve gotta sit down. Man my head hurts. Aspirin. This ice bag is really cold, I should get a towel or something and wrap around it. Where is that towel? And when did all this ice melt? This is just a bag of water. I just got the cubes out of the…is that clock right?

Crap, do I have a concussion?

*vomits*

What the he-

*vomits*

Oh man, that Fettuccine Alfredo really turned on me. I feel horrible. I better lay down. But what if I have a concussion? Isn’t it bad to lay down? What was that woman’s name, who died of the concussion? Some actress? No, I don’t have a concussion, I just bumped my head. Wow, is that clock broken? How can it be half past five already? It was noon a few minutes ago.

Hungry now. Hopefully that’s it for the vomiting. Maybe the leftover Fettuccine Alfredo. Oh wait, that might’ve got me sick. Here, leftover chicken parm. Perfect. Oh, I forgot a…what’s it called. The thing to eat it with. The…wow, what is it called? That thing with the sharp tips you eat with. Oh my God! How can’t I remember it? That metal thing! Not a knife, a…wow! What the hell is wrong with me?

broken-clockI should go to the hospital. I can’t drive though. Ambulance? Oh man, that’s gonna crush my HMO, I can’t do that. I could walk. But it is all the way across town. That’s not gonna work. Wait a minute, where’s my wife? She should be home soon, after all it’s half past…eight?! When did it get to be eight? And where the hell is Mary?

Jeez, did I eat with my hands? I’m a mess! Well I couldn’t find a…what’s it called. (What’s it called?!) Gotta wash up. Wait, there’s Mary. Asleep already? But it’s only…midnight! Midnight?! I don’t understand. How the fork did the night just disappear like that? And shouldn’t she have taken me to the hospital?

*vomits*

Christ! Oh wait, plastic wristband. I was at the hospital. Or a very particular, insurance-based nightclub. But I think I’d remember that. But shouldn’t I remember the hospital? Well at least I went. That’s good. Probably won’t die then, right? So why is the old brain so wonky?

Gotta lay down. But if I’ve got a concussion, I shouldn’t lay…didn’t I already cover this? And if I went to the hospital, they must be cool with me laying down, right? I wonder if there’s anymore chicken parm, or if I ate it all. The hell with it, going to sleep.

Fork!

Oh, that's a fork, along with that other thing

Oh, that’s a fork, along with that other thing

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3 Comments

Filed under Health, humor, Science

3 responses to “I Wonder If I Have a Concussion

  1. My sis got a concussion a while back. From what she has told me, this sounds spot on. What I like best about your piece, is how is shows what a concussion feels like, rather than what it is. That came out all dorky, but I’m really impressed with how you showed that.

  2. Reblogged this on chocorella's writing references and commented:
    This is one beautiful example of showing and not telling.

  3. Haha this is absolutely wonderful! I had concussion when I was four from running into a pillar. Apparently the ‘clang’ was audible a mile away.I can’t remember it of course, I was four (and concussed). x

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