What’s going on, person? Having a rough go of it? Things not working out quite as planned? Life using you for the sorry, depressed bag of mixed feelings and disappointment you’ve convinced yourself you are? Falling up just short all the time, and not sure what to do?
Well welcome to the bell-ringing, Smitty! I’m here to tell you that you can improve whatever it is you want to by following these simple steps! Hi, I’m a hugely well adjusted and successful individual at things I want to be well adjusted and successful at. And I can share with you my tips for living life that will jump you up multiple levels in your personal growth! The heck, you say? That’s not possible if I don’t know what it is you suck at so badly? Incorrect, amigo! And I’m somewhat offended that you would’ve thought that I didn’t think of that! Continue reading
If my reads were dollars, I’d be a 1/8th millionaire!
Great day in the morning! This has been a big week here at Knowingly Undersold. First, after years of pretty infrequent writing, we reached that previously unimaginable tally of 1/8th of a million reads, and then we were nominated for Most Influential Blogger! My cup runneth over! Now, you may be taken aback at the unabashed navel gazing going on here, as this isn’t typically the sort of work we’re cranking out here at Sexy Architects and Norman Invasion Tales ‘R’ Us. But as the recognition and milestones are starting to pile up, I feel it is time to address the state of affairs here K.U. Continue reading
Filed under humor, Writing
After an exhaustive worldwide voting process, months of compiling the data, endless quantifying, countless debates, and at least one lawsuit (still pending!), we here at Knowingly Undersold are prepared to share our first World’s Sexiest People (Architects Edition) list! These 25 individuals from around the globe epitomize the raw sensuality and animal magnetism largely identified with rock stars and screen idols, but these folks spent their halcyon days figuring on the best placement for your west staircase, and how many bathrooms could be crammed into a metropolitan art museum. These are the cream of the crop! Get your office pools ready, because here we go!
In no particular order:
Born: Netherlands, 1955
Sexiest work: Euroborg Stadium, Groningen
Interests: Obtuse angles, licorice whips Continue reading
Where the hell is it? I left it right here! Did the dog run off with it again? I think I would’ve felt that. What made me think it would be such a funny idea to have a voodoo doll of myself laying around? Christ, I’m such an idiot sometimes.
It’s not in the safe. It’s not in the refrigerator. I feel kinda sweaty…oven? Microwave? Nope. Why am I so wet? And what is that smell? Smells like…alcohol? Rubbing alcohol? Whiskey? Continue reading
Hoo-boy! This year’s fall classic was a real humdinger! Congratulations to the Boston Red Sox, winning their eighth championship, and third in the last ten years, four games to two! And what games! Exciting! Riveting! And Knowingly Undersold was there!
That’s right, for the first time, our crack reporting team was on hand to witness the glory and grandeur of America’s pastime up close! Now, for reasons of transparency, it is worth noting that our travel and entertainment budget would not possibly have been able to include plane trips and hotels in Boston and St. Louis from our home base in Chicago, therefore only one game was actually attended. But what a game! Game Three! Let’s go now to that report, covering all the excitement of the 109th World Series! Continue reading
Someone is illegally parked and owes me a shot
It all began way, way back in the early a.m. of October the 31st, with boys and girls still safe in their beds, dreaming of all the glorious face paint required for their respective Mikhail Gorbachev and Mystique costumes. Pumpkins were carved, candy dishes with stocked, and the tramps had hunted down their sexy meter maid outfits. It was Halloween as usual.
Except for me. You see, in years past, I found only too late that I wished I had a mountain of facial hair to play with if needed for a costume. You can’t decide to be a convincing Magnum P.I. if you start the growing on United Nations Day (hint: October 24th). You’ve got to be shunning the Norelco at least from German Unity Day (hint: October 3rd)! So, I abandoned all razoring, shelved the Old Spice and let the hirsuteness free.
Total beard growth, just in case. I mean, why not? The options are awesome with the woolly cheek blanket stretching ear-to-ear. Do I go as the greatest drunk president in history, Ulysses S. Grant? Tap into my inner poet as Alan Ginsberg? Roll out the Hagrid?! As of Tuesday, I was still very excited at the prospects. Continue reading
Ah, Paris! The City of Lights! It really is a gorgeous sight to behold. But you wouldn’t know it looking at our photographs. I don’t know what the hell happened to my skills behind the lens, maybe it was that long flight, maybe it was all the wine, but man, these pictures le suck! Hugely disappointing. Still! I didn’t want to deprive anyone of all the highlights of our glorious adventures in ancient France, so here we go!
Jesus. We took so many goddamn pictures of the Eiffel Tower, and do you think any of them came out worth a damn? Wait, here’s another one:
Filed under humor, Travel