After an exhaustive worldwide voting process, months of compiling the data, endless quantifying, countless debates, and at least one lawsuit (still pending!), we here at Knowingly Undersold are prepared to share our first World’s Sexiest People (Architects Edition) list! These 25 individuals from around the globe epitomize the raw sensuality and animal magnetism largely identified with rock stars and screen idols, but these folks spent their halcyon days figuring on the best placement for your west staircase, and how many bathrooms could be crammed into a metropolitan art museum. These are the cream of the crop! Get your office pools ready, because here we go!
In no particular order:
Born: Netherlands, 1955
Sexiest work: Euroborg Stadium, Groningen
Interests: Obtuse angles, licorice whips Continue reading
Where the hell is it? I left it right here! Did the dog run off with it again? I think I would’ve felt that. What made me think it would be such a funny idea to have a voodoo doll of myself laying around? Christ, I’m such an idiot sometimes.
It’s not in the safe. It’s not in the refrigerator. I feel kinda sweaty…oven? Microwave? Nope. Why am I so wet? And what is that smell? Smells like…alcohol? Rubbing alcohol? Whiskey? Continue reading
Hoo-boy! This year’s fall classic was a real humdinger! Congratulations to the Boston Red Sox, winning their eighth championship, and third in the last ten years, four games to two! And what games! Exciting! Riveting! And Knowingly Undersold was there!
That’s right, for the first time, our crack reporting team was on hand to witness the glory and grandeur of America’s pastime up close! Now, for reasons of transparency, it is worth noting that our travel and entertainment budget would not possibly have been able to include plane trips and hotels in Boston and St. Louis from our home base in Chicago, therefore only one game was actually attended. But what a game! Game Three! Let’s go now to that report, covering all the excitement of the 109th World Series! Continue reading
Someone is illegally parked and owes me a shot
It all began way, way back in the early a.m. of October the 31st, with boys and girls still safe in their beds, dreaming of all the glorious face paint required for their respective Mikhail Gorbachev and Mystique costumes. Pumpkins were carved, candy dishes with stocked, and the tramps had hunted down their sexy meter maid outfits. It was Halloween as usual.
Except for me. You see, in years past, I found only too late that I wished I had a mountain of facial hair to play with if needed for a costume. You can’t decide to be a convincing Magnum P.I. if you start the growing on United Nations Day (hint: October 24th). You’ve got to be shunning the Norelco at least from German Unity Day (hint: October 3rd)! So, I abandoned all razoring, shelved the Old Spice and let the hirsuteness free.
Total beard growth, just in case. I mean, why not? The options are awesome with the woolly cheek blanket stretching ear-to-ear. Do I go as the greatest drunk president in history, Ulysses S. Grant? Tap into my inner poet as Alan Ginsberg? Roll out the Hagrid?! As of Tuesday, I was still very excited at the prospects. Continue reading
Ah, Paris! The City of Lights! It really is a gorgeous sight to behold. But you wouldn’t know it looking at our photographs. I don’t know what the hell happened to my skills behind the lens, maybe it was that long flight, maybe it was all the wine, but man, these pictures le suck! Hugely disappointing. Still! I didn’t want to deprive anyone of all the highlights of our glorious adventures in ancient France, so here we go!
Jesus. We took so many goddamn pictures of the Eiffel Tower, and do you think any of them came out worth a damn? Wait, here’s another one:
Filed under humor, Travel
But what do I slap on there? The original cover was intended to give the messy 33% Non-Fictional story a sort of textbook feel. Thus, the template with the generic layout, the non-expressive font, and the totally uninteresting subtitling.
I still like it, don’t get me wrong
Plus, there’s the index at the back of the book, to add to this textbook vibe, providing easy access to all the Antony and Cleopatra and cheap hand job references.
It’s helped scholars and perverts immensely
Oh, I’ve finally hit the big time! You know you’ve made it in America when the hackerazzi infiltrate your smart phone bunker and commence with the plundering! My email account is largely fine, my Twitter is locked up secure, but my cell phone was roundly violated within a byte of its life! Just like Paris Hilton – my privacy has been all sorts of invaded! Hooray!
I’m thinking of getting some work done, needed Before on record
I can only imagine the hacker disgust on display when they investigated my photo albums. Hoping for salacious nudes, or at least blackmailable idiocy, they instead got my dentist chair selfies from last week. No one is going to want to see that, dumdum!
Practically porn, I know
Looking for something to use against me, they plodded onward, deeper into my delicate folders, kicking over stones and thumbing through the file cabinets. What did they turn up, to shame me for all times? Naturally, gelato pics! They comprise most of my phone memory at all times! Continue reading